Divorce is scary. The unknown is so great and unpredictable (even if it's not our first divorce), it can keep us in constant fear. We can only speculate how things will go down, nothing is sure or calculable, there are so many variables at every turn, that we might feel completely overwhelmed or frozen by fear.
To feel overpowering fear sometimes and to have many specifics worries and concerns about our divorce and the future is very normal. We would not be humans if it were otherwise. Fear is a survival instict and during divorce our very survival feels at risk. The purpose of fear is to keep us alive and that's all we want during divorce, to stay alive.
Most people who has gone through a divorce tell me that it was one of the hardest things they ever experienced in life. If I ask what was the hardest part about it, they usually say something like “the pain of the children”, “the vicious attacks of my ex”, “the desperation and hopelessness of it”, “the shattered dreams and promises”, or “being in court and all the legal stuff”.
These are all hard to bear heavy burdens for the time being, but I think there is one ultimate thing that tops all of them on the long run. As a matter of fact it is so hard to deal with that some people never do. Yes, you can get through a divorce, or even multiple ones throughout the years without ever dealing with the hardest part of it all. Looking at your own part in the failure of your marriage.
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